Cancer sucks. I feel like writing will jinx something in some way. Not really sure where the logic in that comes in but things have been okay. This week was tough. Two appointments and treatment. Treatment was really rough yesterday. It drained all of my energy out of me. I wanted to go for a bike ride afterwards and then to training but realized I would be in bed the rest of the night.
This week I found out there was no melanoma in my Brain! Such good news. You have to take what you can get sometimes. It’s also strange my CT and PET scan results did not match either. The nodules in/on my bones (I don’t ask to many questions) on my PET scan did not show up on the CT. So I’m glad we did both or we wouldn’t know they were there. My oncologist just wants to order both scans from now on just to keep a really close eye on things.
I’m really lucky I was closely monitored. We caught this cancer in stage 4 the soonest we could have. Any smaller and it wouldn’t have showed up on a scan. So I’m glad I had many scans and appointments to look at what was changing because maybe things could have been worse.
It’s a weird thing to state that things can be worse. I have stage 4 cancer…. how much worse could it get. Well it could be in more places than it is now. I could be having a hard time with pain and fatigue but so far so good. My goal is to coast along in this treatment and hopefully get through these 4 combination treatments with ease. Or at least get through them on schedule…. I want this to work. I need this to work.
Last week my dear friend Arden came here to distract me from all this chaos. And she came at the perfect time and gave me the perfect week. I couldn’t ask for more laughs and surprises with her. She’s truly one of the best human beings I’ve ever met and I’m so lucky I have people who love me enough to hop on a plane and spend a week with me… even if I was grumpy sometimes 😉. But having cancer has made me realize just how many people care. How many people love me and just want me to be better. That’s all I want too just so y’all know! Just taking each day as it comes and trying to enjoy it. Trying not to let little things get to me. Although on Thursday I cried at the gas station because I drove to the wrong side of the car and then when I turned around I hit the curb…. just one of those days 😂.
I am also so unbelievably taken aback at how much money we have raised for BC Cancer this month! My goal was $2,500 and we have surpassed that by about $1,000. So I’m hoping at the end of this month we can raise $5,000 for BC Cancer. It’s crazy because you don’t need cancer care until one day you do. And we have some of the best care and doctors here in the whole world. It blows my mind just how much BC Cancer does. How many scans, surgeries, treatments and therapy sessions I’ve had that I’ve been lucky enough not to pay for. Cancer is one of the most stressful things any person can deal with. Adding money into the equation is so utterly unfair and I can’t even fathom how someone in the States deals with this. It’s touched my heart knowing so many people care and have donated their hard earned money towards BC Cancer. I am forever thankful for everyone who has shared my links and donated. And I know everyone who receives treatment through BC Cancer feels the same way.
I’ve been battling anxiety and stress that I’ve never dealt with before. I have never understood what anxiety does to someone until I have started battling cancer. I feel overwhelmed before appointments to the point where I usually need to do something to distract myself or as you know I’ll have a meltdown in the gas station for stupid reasons. It’s really scary and amazing how powerful the mind is. But it’s something I’m working on and struggling with every damn day!
I just wanted to write and update those who haven’t heard from me in a while! To thank everyone who has donated because it has truly made me so grateful. I have amazing people who are all in my corner. Cancer can fuck off!
Until next time ❤️❤️
Love,
Tam
tamarakobrien 